I LOVE the way you have made this read like a movie script :) Reg sounds like a normal teenager who thinks she already knows everything. She seemed to be a little flighty thinking that fate and destiny has already determined her where, what, and when. I immediately felt connected to her character and I genuinely felt anxious for her after reading the rest of the letter that she didn’t read. Although it seems like she wants to learn from the best, she might be going about it the wrong way. I’m seriously ready to read the next part of this story and am looking forward to it.
Your website looks good and is real easy to read. The white background with the gray font makes things so much easier on your eyes. The artwork on the landing page is very interesting and clean. I also like your picture choice for the introduction. I never watched Zena, but I know a little bit from pop culture.
I really like your storybook and think it's really going to come together nicely. I think the central theme i set up to where stories will flow well from one to the other. I agree with Nicole that I immediately felt a connection to Reg! I thought it was funny that you chose long, complex names, but was also glad you can shorten them to "Reg" and "Sig". I think this also goes perfectly with your rugby side- you are warriors yourself! Looking forward to reading more! As far as structure goes, the only think you might consider doing is putting Reg's thoughts in italics. I know there were quotes around what the scroll said but it wasn't an extremely smooth transition from the text of the scroll to her thoughts. I'm sure it would be fine how it is, but that's my only suggestion! Go get 'em, Reg!
Rachel! I think this is such a great, and unique, storybook! I love the idea you have and the way that you are executing! I think the introduction and the first story you did was great, and there was a great transition from the text of the scroll to the first story. I like that your introduction was the text of a scroll--I thought that was very unique. I think the way you separate the text and the look of your Storybook is great! Overall, great job with this! I also thought you did a wonderful job on the author's note to help me get a great idea of what the original inspiration was. Overall, so so good!
How have I not seen your storybook project until now!? Norse mythology is my jam, and I'm so excited to see someone here who is doing a storybook project based off that! And you're not just re-telling the stories, you're incorporating the gods, goddesses, and lore into an amazing story. I love what you have so far! I honestly never learned much about the Valkyries, so I'm very much intrigued and excited for what I'm going to learn from your storybook. I like the way it's being told, from the first-person POV and almost in a movie script kind of style. It's easy to read, and more importantly, FUN to read! One thing I think that would make the story not only more fun to read, but also educational for those who aren't as well versed in the lore is descriptions of the gods and goddesses! Odin's one eye, Thor's beard, Freyja's golden hair (at least I think it's supposed to be golden). If you struggle with keeping the word count below 1000, I can see how it would be difficult to incorporate this. If you can, I think it would add extra visual spice to the story! I wonder if Loki will make an appearance? I'm so excited to read the rest of this!
I really like how you decided to open your story with the introduction! You made it very clear how it will be written, and the personal tone of talking makes for a very easy-to-understand story. The way you set it up, with her throwing away the paper before she reads the rest of it, makes it seem like the next few stories will be very interesting. I got a vibe that something unexpected will happen!
The first story you added was fun as well. I don't know much about Odin and his gods, but the information you included gave some nice insight into who they are and their relations to each other.
The only glaring mistake that I noticed was the "gods goddesses heroes and the like" probably needs to be separated by some commas since it's a series of things! Other than that, it seemed awesome, keep up the good work!
I enjoyed reading your intro and first story in your storybook, and thought it was funny that you used a style of narration that seemed appropriately frivolous. I think that helped develop your character pretty well, and set the tone for how the rest of the storybook will unfold because of her attitude and behavior.
I do think that the one thing that would make the story come alive even more would be more dialogue. At times, I knew exactly what the main character was saying or thinking, though I struggled to imagine the reactions of the other characters.
Also, I think that a bit of description of the surroundings would be an excellent touch to the writing. It seems like most of the story takes places in some pretty "far-out" settings, so hearing more about that would really help to set the stage for the story.
Wow, this is an awesome story! I thought the perspective you wrote this story in was really great and added a lot to the development of your story. You really developed the role of your character and I love the personality you gave her.
I agree with Cole that some more dialogue could make this story even better. It will being more personality not only to your main character, but the other characters in the story as well.
I think by placing a visual that shows the location of your story could really add a lot as well and could bring the reader inside the setting of your story. Your format was good and your story flowed well.
Your story was very unique and I am really impressed with your writing style. Thank you for the good read, I really enjoyed it!
This is my first time seeing your storybook and I think from your introduction that this is going to be very interesting story. I think your introduction did a great job of shedding light on your main character's attitude. The idea of a school like this reminds me of Harry Potter receiving his letter to come to Hogwarts. Very cool! I read your story The Great Judgment Hall and I was very impressed. I am a big fan of Thor so I thought the scenery I was picturing while reading was very cool. Also the picture you have chosen to add was very cool to see and made the scenery I pictured even better. My only suggestion would be to add some details about other major characters within the story. I am familiar with a few character but not all. Descriptions of them would help readers picture them if they have no prior knowledge of the characters. Great job so far on your storybook. I will definitely be coming back to check out the ending of the story!
Hey Rachel! I love your blog format! Your background picture is beautiful. The beach is so serine and the colors make your blog both pleasant and easy to read. I wonder where this picture was taken because the sky is a beautiful and a gloomy pink. I also used the travel template for my blog and I love it too.
Hey, Rachel! What a creative storybook topic. I really like it so far. I thought the elegant way the letter was written was marvelous and then contrasted by the girl’s attitude – great! The dialogue for the introduction was great and provided some valuable information, but I got a little lost. One improvement that I would suggest is in the introduction, for the 365/7/24, I would change it from “every week, all day, every day” to match the numbers better so maybe “every day, all week, all day” or change the numbers to 52/24/365 if you’re going to use the description you had written. The second story is also very well-written with all of the dialogue. I really like how you were totally creative and made the whole thing up rather than just re-creating a story that had already been done. The picture was also really neat – maybe move that up front so that the readers can picture it as they read? Great work!
Hi Rachel, I wanted to start by saying I love the way that you have executed the story. You do a great job of writing it to where I can easily envision it happening like a movie; this is such a refreshing way of writing. The theme for your story is great as well! You do a great job of capturing that angst in your character that makes them really interesting. It sets up so many opportunities for her to want to go on an adventure at a moment’s notice. I also really liked how you used some authentic names and shortened them so they would be easier to say throughout the stories. Using syllabus day as an introduction is such a brilliant idea. It is a really unique way of laying out the framework for what all is to come. I can’t wait to read more about these warrior adventures in Valhalla!
Hey Rachel. I enjoyed the introduction of your storybook. I liked that you made the introduction resemble a syllabus. I thought this was real creative and a great way to open or transition into the rest of your stories. The writing style was also very distinctive, which was really cool. Great job with your introduction!
I also liked your first story. I thought the writing style was great and provided us with a great personality that the main character has. I also thought it was interesting that you put the actions within the story in parenthesis. This helped break up all the thoughts the main character has. However, I also agree with what some other people posted and bring in more details of both other characters and settings. Other than that, great job on both the introduction and first story!
Rachel, I think your storybook is awesome so far. The introduction really caught my attention and made me want to jump right into the first story. I like that you chose to write it in Reginleif’s point of view, also. Including what she is thinking in the story is a nice touch. Your first story was also written very well. The plot is super easy to follow and all of the details fit nicely with everything that is going on. And I have seen the Thor movies, so that made me even more interested in your story. I am glad that you chose to include some of the details (such as Frey and Freyja being sisters) in the thoughts of Reginleif too, because those details really helped to clarify some things. The pictures that you included fit the story perfectly as well. Overall, I think you did a great job and I’m excited to read the rest of your stories.
Rachel, your storybook is so creative! You have done a great job setting up the characters and the structure of the flight school. I like the way that you tell it from Reginleif's perspective, but you're still able to incorporate action and direction as well as things for the reader to know that she doesn't using the italicized text.
It was a great technique to leave off the first story with sort of a cliffhanger. She bumps into Thor, and then... stay tuned for the next story. I really can't wait to read it and see what happens with your character and Thor. Excellent way to keep the reader hooked! Nice job!
Also, I love the picture you used for your first story!!! So many colors. It really is so cool. I stared at it for a long time. It fits the content well, and it's very engaging.
Your storybook is awesome, and I will definitely check back later!
I am back to say thank you for your feedback about my storybook story on Isis. I had trouble getting inspired to revise that story and make it fit better with not only what people wanted to read, but with my overall theme. I rewrote it and would love to see what you think of the updated version. I took into account many people's comments about my story and how to make it better. I am a pretty expressive writer generally, and cutting out the fluff is something I feel like i'm always having to do (especially in my academic writing).
Upon opening up your storybook, that image that you have on the home page is awesome! For the intro, I enjoyed how you made Reginleif (which I can't figure out how to pronounce) sound like a typical angsty teenager. I did find one typo. In the sentence, "I already know how to fly and I've handled a sword multiple times when no one was around," there needs to be a comma before the and since you're joining two independent clauses with a conjunction. That was the only minor error I could find. I did enjoy how the story was written in a colloquial way that any teenager could certainly understand. I also loved the image you included. Imagine living somewhere like that! Wow, that would certainly be something. Anyway, I've spent far too long taking in this picture. I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future!
I thought you did a really great job with the layout of your storybook. Although it was very simple, I thought it was very effective. I think that sometimes being simple is the best thing to do. Some people’s storybooks can become overly cluttered if they use more busy looking themes and can take away from the story. I also really liked the photo you used at the beginning of the story. I really enjoyed the way you wrote the intro of your storybook. It really made me want to continue to read your stories in the whole storybook. It had a very good theme to it, and overall, your writing was superb. I also got to read “The Great Judgment Hall”. I thought you did an excellent job writing that. The story was a great one and the way that you wrote it made it even better. I look forward to reading more of your storybook in the future.
I think that the concept for your storybook is really cool and creative. I can tell you have put a lot of time and effort into thinking through your stories. They layout of your project is great. Because you chose to keep you background white, it makes your pictures and text very easy to view. Also, the picture you chose to use on the homepage of your storybook is good. It caught my interest from the beginning.
I really enjoyed the line at the end of your story, Syllabus Day, "Be in full armor and weaponry at 0600. There are no days off." This was a great way to conclude your first story and entice me to be interested in reading the rest of your stories to see what happens next.
I thought your paragraphs were organized well and the sentences flowed smoothly. Great job overall! I look forward to reading more from your storybook in the upcoming weeks!
Hey Rachel, I would like to say that I really appreciate that you have commented on my blog. I know you have to for assignment and grading purposes but your comments are nice! I will work on not confusing my readers with my writing. I have received that suggestion multiple times. I will really focus on that more. Thanks!
Hi Rachel, I really liked your idea for your storybook! It's very creative! I also really like how you've set up the stories, I love that you have the action divided into italices, almost like a play. I did find your introduction a little bit confusing. I like that it was set up as part of the story, but I felt like I didn't have any context. Who is Reginleif? Who is Odin? What is Valhalla? What is a Valkyrie? At the end of your introduction, I had so many questions, which is good to an extent because it made me want to keep reading, but also I felt a little bit like I had no idea what I was in for. Maybe adding just a few phrases to explain who Odin and Freyja are, or to clue the readers into the fact that you are speaking about Norse mythology in general would be helpful, and would make your stories a little less confusing to read. I do love the action in your stories, and the entire storybook as a whole. I absolutely love your writing style. It just would be helpful if a couple more things were explained in the introduction. Awesome job!
I read the last story in your storybook, "A Gaze of Doubt."
While I did appreciate that you used dialogue extensively, I was a bit concerned when I quickly noticed that few things are explained in your story. It aims at being dialogue-driven but I fear that the asterisk-marked sections do not sufficiently explain the setting, the characters' emotions, and other such necessary details.
Also, the story did not seem to have that quintessential "Ah-ha!" feeling at the end; there was seemingly very little conclusion at the conclusion, if that makes sense.
Additionally, it seemed like maybe the story was chiefly written around the scary image of the girl at the end of the story, instead of the other way around.
As mentioned above, the text here reads a bit like a play. However, it is difficult to grasp the characters' environments, their facial expressions, and their thematic confrontations without proper stage directions.
Succinctly, I think the main thing this story needs is a sharpening of the narration. This alteration would boost both the comprehensibility and flow of the story.
I have a feeling that you and I could become very good friends. I got into lost girl earlier this semester and absolutely LOVE IT. The fact that you took information from one of my favorite shows and put it into a storybook about the Valkyries from Norse mythology (one of my favorite sects of mythology) is just proof that you're good people. I haven't gotten to where Tamsin is introduced, but you didn't spoil anything about her role in the show, so now I'm extra excited for her to show up! Again, I'm loving your storybook! As I keep reading I'm realizing how much I like that you stick mostly to dialogue and have the chapters read almost like a script from a hilarious fantasy show. I can't wait to see what happens when Reginlief meets the head Valkyrie herself, Freyja! Keep doing what you're doing because it's awesome!
I love this storybook! I just read the Syllabus Day and I love that you are telling the story from her perspective. And I really like that you are letting us into her head and writing her thoughts. Also, I think separating the paragraphs like you have been doing is a really great way to make the story easier to read. I also read The Great Judgement Hall. You write so well! You really did a wonderful job at mixing the two stories into your own. Also, the details you put in are really nice. I really love how well you are staying true to the original story, while still making the story your own. I'm jealous of your story-writing ability! I also think your picture choice is really great. Your pictures are relevant to the story, and also great to look at. Good job on writing a really interesting storybook!
I LOVE the way you have made this read like a movie script :) Reg sounds like a normal teenager who thinks she already knows everything. She seemed to be a little flighty thinking that fate and destiny has already determined her where, what, and when. I immediately felt connected to her character and I genuinely felt anxious for her after reading the rest of the letter that she didn’t read. Although it seems like she wants to learn from the best, she might be going about it the wrong way. I’m seriously ready to read the next part of this story and am looking forward to it.
ReplyDeleteYour website looks good and is real easy to read. The white background with the gray font makes things so much easier on your eyes. The artwork on the landing page is very interesting and clean. I also like your picture choice for the introduction. I never watched Zena, but I know a little bit from pop culture.
Rachel!
ReplyDeleteI really like your storybook and think it's really going to come together nicely. I think the central theme i set up to where stories will flow well from one to the other. I agree with Nicole that I immediately felt a connection to Reg! I thought it was funny that you chose long, complex names, but was also glad you can shorten them to "Reg" and "Sig". I think this also goes perfectly with your rugby side- you are warriors yourself! Looking forward to reading more!
As far as structure goes, the only think you might consider doing is putting Reg's thoughts in italics. I know there were quotes around what the scroll said but it wasn't an extremely smooth transition from the text of the scroll to her thoughts. I'm sure it would be fine how it is, but that's my only suggestion! Go get 'em, Reg!
Rachel! I think this is such a great, and unique, storybook! I love the idea you have and the way that you are executing! I think the introduction and the first story you did was great, and there was a great transition from the text of the scroll to the first story. I like that your introduction was the text of a scroll--I thought that was very unique. I think the way you separate the text and the look of your Storybook is great! Overall, great job with this! I also thought you did a wonderful job on the author's note to help me get a great idea of what the original inspiration was. Overall, so so good!
ReplyDeleteHow have I not seen your storybook project until now!? Norse mythology is my jam, and I'm so excited to see someone here who is doing a storybook project based off that! And you're not just re-telling the stories, you're incorporating the gods, goddesses, and lore into an amazing story. I love what you have so far!
ReplyDeleteI honestly never learned much about the Valkyries, so I'm very much intrigued and excited for what I'm going to learn from your storybook. I like the way it's being told, from the first-person POV and almost in a movie script kind of style. It's easy to read, and more importantly, FUN to read!
One thing I think that would make the story not only more fun to read, but also educational for those who aren't as well versed in the lore is descriptions of the gods and goddesses! Odin's one eye, Thor's beard, Freyja's golden hair (at least I think it's supposed to be golden). If you struggle with keeping the word count below 1000, I can see how it would be difficult to incorporate this. If you can, I think it would add extra visual spice to the story!
I wonder if Loki will make an appearance? I'm so excited to read the rest of this!
I really like how you decided to open your story with the introduction! You made it very clear how it will be written, and the personal tone of talking makes for a very easy-to-understand story. The way you set it up, with her throwing away the paper before she reads the rest of it, makes it seem like the next few stories will be very interesting. I got a vibe that something unexpected will happen!
ReplyDeleteThe first story you added was fun as well. I don't know much about Odin and his gods, but the information you included gave some nice insight into who they are and their relations to each other.
The only glaring mistake that I noticed was the "gods goddesses heroes and the like" probably needs to be separated by some commas since it's a series of things! Other than that, it seemed awesome, keep up the good work!
Hi Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your intro and first story in your storybook, and thought it was funny that you used a style of narration that seemed appropriately frivolous. I think that helped develop your character pretty well, and set the tone for how the rest of the storybook will unfold because of her attitude and behavior.
I do think that the one thing that would make the story come alive even more would be more dialogue. At times, I knew exactly what the main character was saying or thinking, though I struggled to imagine the reactions of the other characters.
Also, I think that a bit of description of the surroundings would be an excellent touch to the writing. It seems like most of the story takes places in some pretty "far-out" settings, so hearing more about that would really help to set the stage for the story.
I look forward to reading your next story!
Hi Rachel!
ReplyDeleteWow, this is an awesome story! I thought the perspective you wrote this story in was really great and added a lot to the development of your story. You really developed the role of your character and I love the personality you gave her.
I agree with Cole that some more dialogue could make this story even better. It will being more personality not only to your main character, but the other characters in the story as well.
I think by placing a visual that shows the location of your story could really add a lot as well and could bring the reader inside the setting of your story. Your format was good and your story flowed well.
Your story was very unique and I am really impressed with your writing style. Thank you for the good read, I really enjoyed it!
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time seeing your storybook and I think from your introduction that this is going to be very interesting story. I think your introduction did a great job of shedding light on your main character's attitude. The idea of a school like this reminds me of Harry Potter receiving his letter to come to Hogwarts. Very cool!
I read your story The Great Judgment Hall and I was very impressed. I am a big fan of Thor so I thought the scenery I was picturing while reading was very cool. Also the picture you have chosen to add was very cool to see and made the scenery I pictured even better.
My only suggestion would be to add some details about other major characters within the story. I am familiar with a few character but not all. Descriptions of them would help readers picture them if they have no prior knowledge of the characters. Great job so far on your storybook. I will definitely be coming back to check out the ending of the story!
Hey Rachel! I love your blog format! Your background picture is beautiful. The beach is so serine and the colors make your blog both pleasant and easy to read. I wonder where this picture was taken because the sky is a beautiful and a gloomy pink. I also used the travel template for my blog and I love it too.
ReplyDeleteHey, Rachel! What a creative storybook topic. I really like it so far. I thought the elegant way the letter was written was marvelous and then contrasted by the girl’s attitude – great! The dialogue for the introduction was great and provided some valuable information, but I got a little lost. One improvement that I would suggest is in the introduction, for the 365/7/24, I would change it from “every week, all day, every day” to match the numbers better so maybe “every day, all week, all day” or change the numbers to 52/24/365 if you’re going to use the description you had written. The second story is also very well-written with all of the dialogue. I really like how you were totally creative and made the whole thing up rather than just re-creating a story that had already been done. The picture was also really neat – maybe move that up front so that the readers can picture it as they read? Great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Rachel, I wanted to start by saying I love the way that you have executed the story. You do a great job of writing it to where I can easily envision it happening like a movie; this is such a refreshing way of writing. The theme for your story is great as well! You do a great job of capturing that angst in your character that makes them really interesting. It sets up so many opportunities for her to want to go on an adventure at a moment’s notice. I also really liked how you used some authentic names and shortened them so they would be easier to say throughout the stories. Using syllabus day as an introduction is such a brilliant idea. It is a really unique way of laying out the framework for what all is to come. I can’t wait to read more about these warrior adventures in Valhalla!
ReplyDeleteHey Rachel. I enjoyed the introduction of your storybook. I liked that you made the introduction resemble a syllabus. I thought this was real creative and a great way to open or transition into the rest of your stories. The writing style was also very distinctive, which was really cool. Great job with your introduction!
ReplyDeleteI also liked your first story. I thought the writing style was great and provided us with a great personality that the main character has. I also thought it was interesting that you put the actions within the story in parenthesis. This helped break up all the thoughts the main character has. However, I also agree with what some other people posted and bring in more details of both other characters and settings. Other than that, great job on both the introduction and first story!
Rachel, I think your storybook is awesome so far. The introduction really caught my attention and made me want to jump right into the first story. I like that you chose to write it in Reginleif’s point of view, also. Including what she is thinking in the story is a nice touch. Your first story was also written very well. The plot is super easy to follow and all of the details fit nicely with everything that is going on. And I have seen the Thor movies, so that made me even more interested in your story. I am glad that you chose to include some of the details (such as Frey and Freyja being sisters) in the thoughts of Reginleif too, because those details really helped to clarify some things. The pictures that you included fit the story perfectly as well. Overall, I think you did a great job and I’m excited to read the rest of your stories.
ReplyDeleteRachel, your storybook is so creative! You have done a great job setting up the characters and the structure of the flight school. I like the way that you tell it from Reginleif's perspective, but you're still able to incorporate action and direction as well as things for the reader to know that she doesn't using the italicized text.
ReplyDeleteIt was a great technique to leave off the first story with sort of a cliffhanger. She bumps into Thor, and then... stay tuned for the next story. I really can't wait to read it and see what happens with your character and Thor. Excellent way to keep the reader hooked! Nice job!
Also, I love the picture you used for your first story!!! So many colors. It really is so cool. I stared at it for a long time. It fits the content well, and it's very engaging.
Your storybook is awesome, and I will definitely check back later!
I am back to say thank you for your feedback about my storybook story on Isis. I had trouble getting inspired to revise that story and make it fit better with not only what people wanted to read, but with my overall theme. I rewrote it and would love to see what you think of the updated version. I took into account many people's comments about my story and how to make it better. I am a pretty expressive writer generally, and cutting out the fluff is something I feel like i'm always having to do (especially in my academic writing).
ReplyDeleteUpon opening up your storybook, that image that you have on the home page is awesome! For the intro, I enjoyed how you made Reginleif (which I can't figure out how to pronounce) sound like a typical angsty teenager. I did find one typo. In the sentence, "I already know how to fly and I've handled a sword multiple times when no one was around," there needs to be a comma before the and since you're joining two independent clauses with a conjunction. That was the only minor error I could find. I did enjoy how the story was written in a colloquial way that any teenager could certainly understand. I also loved the image you included. Imagine living somewhere like that! Wow, that would certainly be something. Anyway, I've spent far too long taking in this picture. I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future!
ReplyDeleteI thought you did a really great job with the layout of your storybook. Although it was very simple, I thought it was very effective. I think that sometimes being simple is the best thing to do. Some people’s storybooks can become overly cluttered if they use more busy looking themes and can take away from the story. I also really liked the photo you used at the beginning of the story. I really enjoyed the way you wrote the intro of your storybook. It really made me want to continue to read your stories in the whole storybook. It had a very good theme to it, and overall, your writing was superb. I also got to read “The Great Judgment Hall”. I thought you did an excellent job writing that. The story was a great one and the way that you wrote it made it even better. I look forward to reading more of your storybook in the future.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHI Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI think that the concept for your storybook is really cool and creative. I can tell you have put a lot of time and effort into thinking through your stories. They layout of your project is great. Because you chose to keep you background white, it makes your pictures and text very easy to view. Also, the picture you chose to use on the homepage of your storybook is good. It caught my interest from the beginning.
I really enjoyed the line at the end of your story, Syllabus Day, "Be in full armor and weaponry at 0600. There are no days off." This was a great way to conclude your first story and entice me to be interested in reading the rest of your stories to see what happens next.
I thought your paragraphs were organized well and the sentences flowed smoothly. Great job overall! I look forward to reading more from your storybook in the upcoming weeks!
Hey Rachel, I would like to say that I really appreciate that you have commented on my blog. I know you have to for assignment and grading purposes but your comments are nice! I will work on not confusing my readers with my writing. I have received that suggestion multiple times. I will really focus on that more. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteHi Rachel, I really liked your idea for your storybook! It's very creative! I also really like how you've set up the stories, I love that you have the action divided into italices, almost like a play. I did find your introduction a little bit confusing. I like that it was set up as part of the story, but I felt like I didn't have any context. Who is Reginleif? Who is Odin? What is Valhalla? What is a Valkyrie? At the end of your introduction, I had so many questions, which is good to an extent because it made me want to keep reading, but also I felt a little bit like I had no idea what I was in for. Maybe adding just a few phrases to explain who Odin and Freyja are, or to clue the readers into the fact that you are speaking about Norse mythology in general would be helpful, and would make your stories a little less confusing to read. I do love the action in your stories, and the entire storybook as a whole. I absolutely love your writing style. It just would be helpful if a couple more things were explained in the introduction. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteHi Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI read the last story in your storybook, "A Gaze of Doubt."
While I did appreciate that you used dialogue extensively, I was a bit concerned when I quickly noticed that few things are explained in your story. It aims at being dialogue-driven but I fear that the asterisk-marked sections do not sufficiently explain the setting, the characters' emotions, and other such necessary details.
Also, the story did not seem to have that quintessential "Ah-ha!" feeling at the end; there was seemingly very little conclusion at the conclusion, if that makes sense.
Additionally, it seemed like maybe the story was chiefly written around the scary image of the girl at the end of the story, instead of the other way around.
As mentioned above, the text here reads a bit like a play. However, it is difficult to grasp the characters' environments, their facial expressions, and their thematic confrontations without proper stage directions.
Succinctly, I think the main thing this story needs is a sharpening of the narration. This alteration would boost both the comprehensibility and flow of the story.
I have a feeling that you and I could become very good friends. I got into lost girl earlier this semester and absolutely LOVE IT. The fact that you took information from one of my favorite shows and put it into a storybook about the Valkyries from Norse mythology (one of my favorite sects of mythology) is just proof that you're good people. I haven't gotten to where Tamsin is introduced, but you didn't spoil anything about her role in the show, so now I'm extra excited for her to show up!
ReplyDeleteAgain, I'm loving your storybook! As I keep reading I'm realizing how much I like that you stick mostly to dialogue and have the chapters read almost like a script from a hilarious fantasy show. I can't wait to see what happens when Reginlief meets the head Valkyrie herself, Freyja! Keep doing what you're doing because it's awesome!
I love this storybook! I just read the Syllabus Day and I love that you are telling the story from her perspective. And I really like that you are letting us into her head and writing her thoughts. Also, I think separating the paragraphs like you have been doing is a really great way to make the story easier to read.
ReplyDeleteI also read The Great Judgement Hall. You write so well! You really did a wonderful job at mixing the two stories into your own. Also, the details you put in are really nice. I really love how well you are staying true to the original story, while still making the story your own. I'm jealous of your story-writing ability!
I also think your picture choice is really great. Your pictures are relevant to the story, and also great to look at.
Good job on writing a really interesting storybook!